I'll Get By with A Little Help From My Friends

As the saying goes ‘when faced with hard times, you find out who your true friends are pretty quickly’ I have learnt this lesson and it’s probably been the most valuable lesson of all. It amazes me how people who meant so much to me last year are no longer part of my life and how much difference a year can make.

I make no secret about the fact, that those who stayed by my side have shown themselves to be the most incredible and supportive friends ever. I could literally write a blog about each of them and how they have held my hand and literally walked with me every step of the way these last 12 months.

Em and Tracy – My two biggest cheerleaders. There are no words or actions that could ever express my gratitude to you girls. You’re amazing and have literally pieced my life back together with each glass of wine, hug, talk and the odd chicken nugget. Chaz and Jo – who believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself, for also giving me the encouragement to write my thoughts down and to share this blog and to hold talks on mental health. Sara B and Sara V for getting my through those really dark days at work and for wiping away my tears in the toilets and corridors and also listening to me and then there’s Rob, Lara, Kelly, Lauren and Ange, who I can talk to whenever I need them. I’m literally surrounded be awesome people! There are many more people I could list.

But today is all about this lovely lady! Sarah!

This past week alone she has sent me flowers to work and whisked me and my daughter off on holiday. She is literally the best boyfriend I’ve ever had . . .except she’s a girl, and we’re both straight! We’re literally cut from the same cloth and love nothing more than the odd 90’s boyband, dance routine and share box of chicken nuggets (yes I realise this is the second time I’ve mentioned chicken nuggets and a share box is sooooo not for sharing by the way!)

Sarah approached me about coming away with her family and their son’s football team a few months ago. At first and without any hesitation I agreed, which for me is an act of incredible bravery. I wasn’t sure I was feeling up to taking my daughter away by myself yet and she deserved a break was the rationale behind that decision. Then the anxiety set in.

I have literally been in and out of this holiday about 1000 times. I opted out because my daughter was much younger than every other child there and I worried she would annoy people or hold them back from doing what they wanted. I opted out as I didn’t want to be everyone’s third wheel. I opted out as I felt like a bit of a fraud for gate-crashing a football team’s event. I opted out as I thought the stress of being a single parent on holiday with a young child would overwhelm me. These are just some of the negative thoughts that ran through my mind. I left Sarah a rambling voicemail the morning before we were due to leave, telling her I couldn’t come. Sarah rationally sent a text back saying there was zero pressure but she would really like it if my daughter and I came but if we didn’t that was fine too. She then called me and talked through all my concerns. By 6pm that evening I had decided we would go.

I am glad we made that decision to go. It gave my daughter and I lots of quality time together and a chance to make happy memories of a life that is just the two of us. She had a blast and the older kids were great with her. She made friends with a lovely girl, my daughter was so in awe of her she’s asked me for a big sister for her birthday! (not sure how I’m going to make that happen!)

There were times where it was tough too. Having a four year old means you need to have eyes in the back of your head at all times and doing that alone is difficult. I had a panic attack whilst on a day trip out that came out of nowhere but I was able to regain control and overcome it quickly and my daughter was blissfully unaware of what was happening. If this had happened a few months ago I would have wanted to go home straight away and spend the rest of the day hidden away but this time it was just a minor blip on an otherwise glorious and successful trip.

However I’ve decided that I’m going to push myself out of my comfort zone a little more often because that worst that happened was a panic attack and the good far outweighed the bad. I’m looking at a long weekend away in Majorca, a place I lived for 2 years and I reckon I could just about handle that solo with my daughter (she’s such a well behaved kid)

I massively pushed myself outside of my comfort zone last week and held two talks on mental health. Both talks went well but the second talk I walked away crying happy tears. They were so engaged and open to discussing mental health. There were some amazing mental health conversations taking place and I walked away feeling like I’ve positively impacted people’s lives. I want to expand that and I’m particularly interested in exploring the option if talking to teenagers about anxiety and social media.

My first guest blogger, Alice came out of my first talk and over 600 people have read her story. I want to spread this far and wide. So please get in touch if you want to be part of it.

Finally I am going to leave you with this thought of the day . . .